‘Augment this, Monarchy!’ say tube drivers.

Better start pumping your bike tyres up in preparation for the Royal Wedding, as you might not be able to get there by tube, the BBC reports today. London Underground drivers are threatening strike action in a continued dispute over pay, which stopped some of us from getting to Auntie Beryl’s in time for lunch on Boxing Day.

As usual, Boris’s quotes steal the show. ‘Monstrous’? Really? Well with a counter argument so solid, it’s a wonder that tube workers can scrape themselves out of their caves for the other 363 days of the year. Although Boris does have a point: seeing as the taxpaying public are assuming the position of Father of the Bride and paying for the damn thing, the least we could do is have an assurance of getting there on time.

In other news, I see on Twitter that Chris Addison and Stephen Fry are cross about the closure of the Forensic Science Service. If you agree, you can sign the petition here.

And, in more exciting news… a video report from the Guardian from this year’s CES, on augmented reality goggles.  Real time feeds of his speed? Gasp. I am not sure what I could use this for, but it would be something excellent. Maybe I could get a real time feed of my speed as I walk to the Royal Wedding.

Forthcoming Wikileaks VPN, want a password?

subpoena [səbˈpiːnə]

n 

(Law) a writ issued by a court of justice requiring a person to appear before the court at a specified time

So the long arm of the law is waving a subpoena in Twitter’s beak, demanding information tweeted by a window cleaner or something. No disrespect intended, Birgitta Jonsdottir, we know you are a lawyer. But the situation with Wikileaks and the US Justice Department is getting just so draconian that it surely won’t be long before Assange’s cleaning ladies are up in the dock.

And now, the Guardian reports, Wikileaks has demanded Google and Facebook hand over any details of subpoenas issued.

Can’t the lot of them – big/social media, Assange and Obama – just all set up a nice big shared network (maybe a VPN) and they could all share information this way? Problem solved and time saved. Simple.

Anyone for a game of I-spy?

I’d love to be a spy. Newspapers with eyeholes cut in, a dozen passports with fake names, a safe full of weapons… Although maybe it’s not all glamour – spies do occasionally turn up dead. This one might not have even been a spy though, in which case this is a total non-story. So let’s imagine that this dead body was most definitely a secret agent, working for MI6, which is just round the corner. There is also a MacDonald’s around the corner too, and a public lavvie, a car wash and at least 17 offices, but no no, this person almost certainly was definitely a probably spy. He had a collection of sim cards for god’s sake! And the name of the company who owned his building sounds vaguely spy-ish! it had something to do with Russia!

Obama: seriously slick

Big media seems to be getting quite excited about the fact that Obama used his first Oval Office address to get cross at BP. And rightly so: it’s taken eighteen months for Mr President to get into the egg-shaped room, and now he’s used the opportunity as the perfect platform to get his “battle plan” (his words) across.

And it seems only right that those affected should be compensated, doesn’t it? So why has Barack’s handling of the situation caused such as stir? I would hazard a guess that even the unpopular George W would’ve reacted with a few harsh words. Maybe it’s because Barack has made some comparisons that haven’t gone down too well. Or maybe it’s because in the weeks since the spill his administration has been accused of a ‘tepid response’ to the event.

The thing I have been most surprised about, since first hearing of the explosion on the rig, was that there weren’t measures – in the form of a serious emergency response action plan – in place to stem the leak earlier on. It is one thing to criticise BP for not doing enough to sort the problem out; it is another to support a system in which fat cat CEOs don’t have to worry about worst case scenarios until they actually occur. And sadly while oil remains such an important commodity, and the massive corporations who control it are so buddy-buddy with politicians, that system doesn’t seem likely to change. So lives lost? Check! Damaged coastlines and ruined livelihoods? Check! UK taxpayers money being spent on police protection for the family of BP’s CEO? Check!

Elsewhere in the world, China has a friend in Bill Gates. This we know. But now Gates has clarified his previous remarks on China’s web censorship. Or has he? You be the judge.

And in LA [Note: acronym-phobics look away now] Nintendo unveils its new DS: taking E3 into 3D. And not a dodgy-looking pair of specs in sight.

Finally then: The Time’s up for free content! Or it nearly is, as News International ‘turns off’ The Times’ old website, in preparation for the paywall at the end of this month.

Trial by (media) circus

Under current UK law, journalists are not allowed to report the names of victims in rape cases – from the moment the rape is alleged – once the allegation has become known to a third party. Such as the police. At the same time however, journalists are permitted to name the person alleged to have made the assault whenever they like. Even before the trial? Yes. And even after he (or she) has been cleared? Let’s look at the evidence. Case in point: John Leslie. Completely exonerated of those charges but to witness his fall from media grace you wouldn’t think it. And his is just one, high-profile instance of a life ruined (or at least, very filthily tainted) by associations of sexual assault.

So with that in mind, an old friend of mine has picked up on a very interesting story that a convicted serial rapist is trying to obtain an injunction to prevent newspapers reporting on him. Or more specifically, from printing his name and address. This is an overwhelming debate between public interest versus personal freedom. And this is an incredibly hot time to debate this issue, given that less than two weeks ago the Government pledged to extend the anonymity granted to rape victims to defendants as well. It will be very interesting to hear the verdict on both of these issues.

Elsewhere in the world then: Italian women offered money – almost four grand – to not have an abortion. And according the the Mail, five million euros of public money will be available for the initiative. The women will need to be sufficiently poor and also considering abortion to qualify. Personally I find this story absolutely baffling. The offer of a huge lump of greenbacks might certainly convince some cash-strapped women to keep their babies, but what happens when the money runs out? And isn’t there just the slightest chance that this scheme will tempt young, financially-challenged women to have a child just to get some free cash? I say it again; baffling.

And a day of mourning in Canada – and in toy shops around the globe – as Chris Haney, creator of the best board game ever invented has passed away.

NoW that’s what I call a monarchy! Volume 2,584,326…

So the News of the World has done it again, with a pretty magnificent investigative scoop. Following in the footsteps of Princess Michael of Kent, and the Countess of Wessex, Sarah Ferguson becomes another royal for the NoW to add to its investigative CV. And another video makes its way on to Queenie and co’s blooper reel.

While I am not sure why anyone would want to pay £500k to hang out with Prince Andrew, but I can definitely see a good idea emerging from this trend. Instead of the taxpaying public funding the monarchy, why don’t we leave it to for the royals themselves to pay their keep? Dodgy deals, underground introductions – better than us paying 70p each year to keep them in swan pie and golden toilet paper. We could then channel that money back in to the country! It seems a fantastic way to prop up our finances rather than scrap child trust funds. All in favour?

Elsewhere in the land, some people are paying for their errors of judgement – and their lies – with more punitive measures. Perhaps Dr Wakefield could get a job in the cosmetics and beauty industry: boswellox and pro-retinol A are almost certainly not linked to autism, but they sounds as scientifically credible as Wakey’s findings.

Finally, how could I not mention that man has created synthetic life? Well, because I find the thought a little scary, although it’s not quite littledog yet. But really it’s because I am too busy contemplating a world in which Nick Griffin’s fizzog isn’t on the tv as much. Waiting three years seems a bit excessive, but perhaps by then we’ll be in a position to create synthetic party leaders with all the motor skills and charisma of littledog. It might just be an improvement!

Paxman’s profanity lands him in trouble

It’s a tumultuous time, but that’s no excuse for using the language of the gutter Mr Paxman. At 6.30pm, on prime time television of all places! And this isn’t the first time this year that Jez has been in trouble for his potty mouth – only a few months ago he dropped an F-bomb while reading aloud a book extract (although, ahem, that was quoting the PM).

I remember the first time I heard swearing on the television. It was in the 1980s, during an episode of the greatest Aussie soap to be aired on our shores. Jim Robinson had been angered by some plot twist or another, and let slip that most sanguine of expletive intensifiers, our friend, Mr Bloody. And I was horrified. As horrified as the countless infant fans of Paxo I expect. Still, at least Jeremy’s potty-mouth characterises the thoughts of our nation at the moment; electing a hung parliament was a pretty bad idea.

Perhaps we should’ve let Barack Obama hand-pick all the MPs. He seems to have done a good job with Elena Kagen – giving the Supreme Court a grand total of three female judges. Now, if only other branches of our world’s government would follow suit…

Apologies for the lack of posting over the last few days, some of us have been swanning around the jungles of rural Kent in search of flora and fauna. Normal news-noticing resumed tomorrow!

No teargas on breakfast “news”

Protests in Greece have escalated today, with teargas and parliament-storming and (breaking news at time of writing) three deaths. Now, there have been quite a few protests, actions and demonstrations in Greece lately, with the ones this week having no doubt been influenced by the €110bn bailout announced on Sunday. But watching BBC’s breakfast news this morning, you would think the world was a happy, harmonious place at present. A few disgruntled airport passengers seemed to be the only story allowed to interrupt the constant, cyclical discussion about the election.

Big media seems to be paying more attention now however, as fire and stun grenades dominate our computer monitors. And it’s about time. I am intrigued to see how much coverage the Beeb will give it all tomorrow morning though. Seeing as it’s election day morning we’ll probably be treated to a continuous live shot outside a polling station in rural Oxfordshire. In fact I’d be willing to put money on it. Easier than trying to predict the results.

In other news, Google has announced that it will soon be putting bookmark vendors out of business – by selling digital books. This concept might sound like nothing new, but from July, Google’s own e-bookstore will sell electronic versions suitable for reading on any internet-connected device. Like the iPad. What will they think of next?! Virtual keyboards perhaps? Google TV?

Finally then, the burqa’s back in the media – this time in Italy. A €500 fine for wearing one in public? Crikey. The writer of the linked story does raise an interesting point for debate: a woman wearing a bikini in many Islamic countries might get arrested for going against religious/cultural conventions, so how is this any different? Well for starters, the bikini isn’t a particularly religious garment for most women. But I see his point.

How many iPads would it take to back up the internet?

The ‘power’ of social media has once again fallen under scrutiny, thanks to a Facebook group set up to “name and shame” paedophiles. Chris Wittwer, a 34-year-old warehouse worker, has spent two years compiling a page (complete with gallery) with almost 6,000 names of convicted sex attackers.

This, to me, seems like dangerous territory indeed. There is a clear case for public interest; parents in particular might feel comforted by such a database of individuals. But there are a lot of other factors to consider here, particularly with the use of photographs. What if Chris uses a photo from a newspaper, which incorrectly identified the offender? The newspaper might print a correction a few days later, but this information might not be noticed by Chris. And what if the incorrectly identified person was then targeted by members of this group, beaten up, subsequently died of his/her injuries?

There are other possibilities too, such as Chris being found in contempt of court for publishing the images should someone on his list be arrested in association with a separate crime. This group, and indeed sites that hosts such groups, show how the internet age complicates our laws and legal proceedings, due to the immense amount of information that can be stored, cached, and reused however someone chooses.

And if you were wondering how much information we’re talking about, you better get your dictionary and a pen out. Zettabytes might sound like a breakfast cereal, but they are all the lexicographical rage now dahhling. That’s an awful lot of lolcats.

Are you ready to get told off with Westwood?

Expletives, drug references, and a third person narrative have landed the Beeb in trouble today, and it’s all thanks to Tim Westwood. The 52-year-old bishop’s son was filmed hyping up a rave crowd in true controversial Westwood style, in Sussex last weekend. But should the BBC be getting its wrist slapped over the whole thing? I doubt they scripted the event, although that might explain why Timmy likes to remind fans of his own name.

Nice to see the Mail being so cross about it, reminding us that Meow Meow has only been off the internet shelves a few days after sort-of being linked to some deaths. And nice to see them use a quote from the mother of Hester Stewart, a medical student who died last year after taking some of the very thing Westwood is ‘bigging up’. These references are interesting, as they say a lot about the power of the media where drugs are concerned. Hester’s mother – backed by practically every media institution in the land – pioneered a successful campaign to get the ‘legal’ party drug GBL banned. And months later, ‘plant fertilising’ Mephedrone was reclassified a Class B drug (situating it alongside Ritalin and speed) following mass media uproar about its availability and possible health-damaging effects. So judging by these examples, it is hard to see how Westwood will be able to afford to eat for much longer.

Continuing in a similar vein about the power of mass media reporting, China might be witnessing the shocking effects of copycat cases. With three attacks on children in three days, the issue of whether the press should be allowed to cover these cases should become more hotly-debated than ever.

A slightly more upbeat story to finish on then: children’s meals are less happy in California. Well done is all I can say. Making something slightly less fun doesn’t necessarily stop young people from doing it, but it’s a start. Perhaps they should’ve gone the whole hog and started giving away sprouts with the kids’ meals. With little faces on them just to make sure mealtimes remained joyous. I’ll have a word with Helen and Dave about this idea.

Bon weekend!